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Hello, it’s me (a parody)

Hello, it’s me (a parody)

Hello, it’s me (a parody)
March 29
14:50 2018

Jesús Sánchez Meleán

Hello, it’s me …

I was wondering if after (almost five months) you’d like to meet

(I wanted to remind you that we met the last time in November in Vietnam. Before then, we saw each other at the G20 in Hamburg. I want to see you soon. I’ll go anywhere you want me to.)

To go over everything

(It is my duty to ask you again if you ordered or not the meddling of the elections I won. I know it is a hard topic, but I also need to know if you had something to do with the chemical attack on the former Russian spy in the United Kingdom. We also have other things to talk about, but they are not as important. I want you to be honest with me regarding your nuclear ambitions and how did you do it to win 75 per cent of the vote in your recent elections. I also want to know why you jailed your main opposer on the election, and why did you fill the election boxes with votes no one casted if you knew for sure you would be reelected. Also, I was wondering when you will be returning the territory of Crimea.)

They say that time’s supposed to heal ya, but I ain’t done much healing

(Many of those around me don’t like you. They remind me over and over all the bad things you have done. They say you are a dictator; human rights violator, and a de-stabilizer of the Western world. I still think it is a good idea to have a good relationship with you. I come in the mood for peace and conciliation.)

Hello, can you hear me,

I’m in Washington, dreaming about who we used to be

When we were younger and free

I’ve forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet

(I’m talking about those days in June 2013, when I reminded you via Twitter to attend the Miss Universe Pageant in person. I publicly asked you for your friendship.)

There’s such a difference between us

And a million miles

(Honestly, the differences are not between you and me. The differences exist between your administration and mine. It has become a headache for me the State Department as well as the Department of the Treasury. Those bureaucrats are always trying to impose sanctions on you. I am not walking back all the good things I have said about you. I think you are a leader. And I can even quote myself on that. In September of 2016 I said that you had a good grip on everything that was going on in your country.)

Hello from the other side

I must have called a thousand times

To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done

(On the previous call I just congratulated you. Today I want to let you know that I am sorry for the expulsion of the 60 diplomats that were spying in the U.S. I am also sorry for closing your consulate in Seattle. You must understand that we didn’t have a choice. We didn’t want your people to continue to gather intelligence on the Boeing plans and the submarines that we fabricate in Seattle.)

But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside

At least I can say that I’ve tried

(I know you are well informed, but I wanted to remind you that I have criticized Angela Merkel and Theresa May, leaders of Germany and the U.K., our allies. I was also implacable with the president of Iran and North Korea. And as you can see, I am also starting a fight with the Chinese president. But I haven’t attempted anything with you. Keep that in mind.)

To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart

(Let me explain. The sanctions that we applied for what happened to the spy Sergei and his daughter, are something we had to do for the British. They have shown solidarity to us. They even sent troops to Iraq, and I might need them soon. Maybe my new Secretary of State Pompeo and my new National Security Advisor, John Bolton, might want me to start an armed adventure overseas.)

But it don’t matter it clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore

(I will understand if you retaliate for the sanctions. That’s politics.)

Hello, how are you?

NOTE: This is a fictional parody of a conversation between two presidents, around the lyrics of a song.

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Edición Virtual | #311 | 26 de abril 2018

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